where do i start?

I want a ramble, a ramble to put all my thoughts down, some i can't as some  people won't want to read my rants about certain individuals and i'm not that sort of cow to be honest. i'll just be the one seething away behind people or closed doors and letting it all out later on in life to a counsellor!

I appreciate what we are going through with my daughter is not the end of the world and not as bad as some families/ people go through. With some people i think they must look at me like i am a paranoid mother or that i'm trying to make up excuses/ labeling my daughter.

No.

Severe eczema flares, asthma hick ups, allergy queries and daily pain, sleepless nights and a cranky 6 yr old that is acting like a 16 yr old is taking its toll. I want to scream. Personally if it was me in pain etc i would probably bottle it all up like i do with everything else. I will silently worry away else where or not want to pester people with my issues but even now i'm sitting here in tears as i feel that sometimes people just don't understand! Or that i'm doing something wrong. makes me feel like an awful parent, and i know i do my best but i'm not labeling my daughter or being paranoid.

She couldn't even manage a soft play centre for two hours,  without being in pain and tired and being grumpy which to be fair we all would be if we were in pain esp at 6. But it is so hard to handle. Tonight trying to get her to read for her home work was hard work because she was tired, but we get into this cycle of ok not tonight tomorrow and then it gets to Tuesday night with books back in on Wed and we are trying to catch up! No i don't force her homework. Just get tired of the same thing every week.

She scratches without going to ask for help. she doesn't go to her dad for help its all mummy!  complaining at me that she hasn't seen him but not going downstairs to see him as she is tired O_O

I don't even know what to say sometimes. I don't want to bore people with our troubles, but i'm struggling to cope the daily changes are exhausting we are never clear of anything and its hard to remember all the stuff we need.

I need a better routine to handle the crap!

Tired of waiting for appointments, tired of physio's looking at me and talking to me like i have three heads and like its all my fault she has these issues in the first place.

When people ask, how are things and are things ok? what can i say apart from yes? without going into the tirade of all this? no i'm not ok.

I think i need to get someone to come talk to us, or someone to talk to my daughter so that we can start digesting these things more easily, be able to talk to each other without shouting and getting cranky with each other.

I'm sorry but i needed to vent