Escape

Sometimes I think it is easier to just escape into a book then to try and realise and think though issues. I realise that this is not the best way to solve anything but at this moment in time i don't care. i feel  like a lead weight atm and even the lovely sunshine isn't helping ( doesn't help we can't go outside due to high pollution and i'm not over my chest infection and eldests asthma is a no)

As most know we don't get a great deal of help or support with eldest and her issues every time we do find someone that listens they are taken away or  we have to move ( though the moving should be a one time only thing i hope!) Took madam to see a counsellor yesterday as not just myself the school nurse where concerned with how she was coping with things considering she has alot on her plate. Instead of finding someone supportive i really felt that i was put on the spot, asked why the school nurse had been really adamant about an appointment , that all my daughters emotional outbursts are normal for her age and issues and that really i need to have some parental courses to try and cope with her emotional behaviour and her pushing boundaries. That apparently i'm letting her swing the lead.  

I'm hurt.  I wish people could see how she is when she is trying to come home from school or when i'm trying to get her to school on a morning. This child loves school ( she was in floods of tears because of how long they had off at christmas!) I go through the are you having issues with people at school as we have had one or two and its a no, i don't like her being off hell she drives me up the wall if she is and its rare that she is poorly ill. I wouldn't want to keep her off for the sake of it or to make my life easier because simply... it doesn't. But if she can't physically move her leg or put her foot down on the floor without visable pain then what am i suppose to do when no one is offering help? If she can't walk to school she can't walk around either.

The invisible ness of all this hurts, i wish she had something to see with her knees and ankles etc that people could go oh yes that's wrong and poor you and we'll do this and this to help. No instead we get accused of her getting her own way and needing to drag her to school. WTH? where is the compassion for the child that can't walk to the bus stop without her knee giving way or her ankle and that is something incredibly hard to fake especially when stood right next to child at the time.  Being told i need a parenting class is like a kick in the teeth physically and mentally. The you are not coping to raise your own child. Someone else come and walk in our shoes for a bit because atm I don't think i can handle more people looking at me like i have three heads or seeing me as a failure. All we want is help and support not accusations and people talking about us behind our backs about things they don't understand.

Now where did i put that book.