Wow, I've had my blog for three years! when i first started out it was every day I was writing something, which I realise now was a silly thing to do as it became repetative and dangerously boring and tedious.
Time as always has flown as it always does. I was just thinking there wasn't terribly much in change since the last entry but yet everything has changed! The UK voted out of the EU last week and I think less said about that the better, why? because ... I'm not sure how to take it. There is so much uncertainty, someone said are you afraid of change, a little but when waking up with the news that the pound had already dropped in strength and the markets were dropping. Are we not allowed to be afraid and upset? Half of our country decided to leave, sorry only slightly more then half. So yes the people decided but not by a huge margin. I am just very glad that we got quite a lot of our euros exchanged before the result as its dropped by quite a bit since! ( sometimes it works being a pessimist! )
We are getting excited now for our holiday to France, for a much needed break, though I am anxious how madam will cope, as the last few holidays we have had difficulties all generally because of madams pain issues. We have come to the end of the road, where we can get help for now, we have new insoles, which.. don't seem to have changed anything. Which is a bugger as I was hoping the new insoles would have started to help ease her knee and ankle issues.
I feel like I get up in the morning and it is the same thing time and again. Madam pain, pain sluggish to go, get ready for school take them come back, do whatever go get them, have madam complaining, hurting, do tea, put kids to bed, do whatever for an hour or two which normally means dealing with madam in the middle of it all again and then bed. .. I don't have a work life balance but mummy, hubby. children balance. Not easy to do. This is where some trouble lies, as i was discussing with who can only be said like a school counsellor, that I feel I've lost me along the way, the line between parent and carer is very blurred but sometimes i wonder if I ever knew the real me anyway. If I let myself come out, discussing friendships and I don't feel that I truly knew what a good friend was. Looking back for high school, primary.. I could say I had.. friends but I was the quiet silent one, If I ever let the "real" me come out the geek I felt shunned, stupid so it was better to be quiet. My online friends know the real me more because I can open up more, and found people who sorta understand more.
Always the grown up and now being grown up with children, I do have friends that understand more, maybe not always what we are going through but more those that can be there. Being down here I think has helped, I am a bit more of me. The geek and nerd and the one who talks about stuff I suppose it was a new leaf aspect. I don't mean to upset those that I have been friends with but only so many times i'll offer to chat, or go for a coffee. communication works both ways, always and i'm sick of chasing like a puppy. I have a million things I could talk about, politics (hahah) history, environment, books, music... ( erm.. well not modern) writing! something, anything. I am more then just my children and their health issues and yes this does seem to take alot of my life but, having children with extra health needs does kind of take over! It's something we have to live with every day, every single day. Being told to get on with it, seeing a child, your own flesh and blood, which you might not understand if you don't have any, crying in pain, being so exhausted they can't do anything but slump on the couch after school, ( sometimes before) is hard, we can't always do the normal things, when we can we do! Madams issue take up a huge part of our lives, from her eczema to her joints and food allergies, we have to be careful. I might seem ott. And maybe I am. But i need to be. If i don't have her best interests at heart then who does?
Little man may not be quite in the same league but I am having to deal with a very tired 4 yr old after school and then a grumpy 8 year old on top. Is mentally and physically draining!
The complaining on the blog hasn't changed in three years, and the fun activities that it started with .. have change,d all depending on who is dealing with what at the time. Madam has been having football session out of school and athletics but last week or two have been too much. Which i understand for her. She isn't lazy though if she could she would be able to do something anything. Its hard to read this i know, its not in normal conversation but it is hard being a parent sometimes. incredibly. I want to scream and shout, I also want a cuddle and a good cry but we'll leave that for another time?
Schools break up in 3 weeks.. ( well 3 tomorrow) and not long after holiday, for much needed family down time.
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